9th March 2017
Is it those traditions that you do every year, that really don’t work or serve you any good purpose (see The End Of What We Call A Year) or is it doing something that Grandma use to do, but Grandma use to use ‘Lard’ in her cooking, and we know that it really isn’t good for us or serve us no good purpose. But we do it anyway.
Perhaps you buy groceries that you rarely eat, and like me, when you go to use it, the item has gone off or way pass it’s eat by date .
What are you holding on to that you should have let go of years ago?
Does any of your ‘friends’ fall into that category, don’t worry I won’t tell, I just write what you’re thinking. As in Who’s holding you back? Some of the people we hold dear, hold us back. There are material things that keep us captive too, literary material i.e clothes – Why do you have a wardrobe, (some people have even boxed them up) full of clothes that you are never going to fit into- No Never. Have you heard this one – I’m keeping this dress/shirt/suit until I can fit into it again. The clothes shouldn’t be the incentive, your health should be. I propose that it’s the memory that you are trying to recreate, not the dress, shirt or suitsize.
Memories that serve you well, should be savioured, negative thoughts should be placed in the forgiveness pile.
None of the above can be done overnight, work with me and let’s see if we can find and let do of what you are holding on to, that you should have let go of years ago.
TRADITIONS
Above we mentioned that fact that some of us continue to do it like Grandma use to do things, although it doesn’t serve us any purpose. There are recipes that one can change, using healthier alternatives. My Dad use to put a piece of brown paper on our foreheads, as a child when we had hiccups. Some parents use to blow in their child’ face! That may have served a purpose back then, Do you still do that? Don’t be afraid to change things and make traditions of your own. You can start new things and make new traditions. Did you consider that? Blog@loveliveholistically.com I would like to mention here that I am fully aware, that certain traditions should be upheld so that they can be passed on to your children and hopefully their children.
FOOD AND SHOPPING
Like traditions, every Christmas I use to buy enough food for three months, as if there was going to be a food storage. I had traditionally done this for years, without acknowledging the fact that the supermarket is only closed for ONE day.
Iyana Vanzant gives us a rendition of going into a large supermarket to buy a cleaning product, as she had ran out of the item. Iyana said that she couldn’t find the item in the store and was offered a different brand. This just made her more infuriated than she was. Iyana said she walked around the store, beside herself with anger, she couldn’t understand how this large supermarket, didn’t have the cleaning product that she had used for years, her mother used this product and they should have it. Then it dawned on her that she had never used its alternative, and it should be able to do the same thing as the product she had always bought. My point here is just because your mother use to buy an item does not mean that you have to continue buying the same product, you can and should try something new. You should consider whether this item really serves you. You never know, another product may be even better. Have you looked at your shopping list lately? Do you use the items you buy each week or monthly? Blog@loveliveholistically.com Are there items that you buy and end up throwing away because before you get a chance to eat it the ‘eat by date’ is up? But you buy it anyway, why? Because you always buy it when you do your weekly or monthly shop. Please check your shopping list thoroughly, if it does not serve you DON’T buy it. I buy tomatoes, even now, on every shopping trip, I buy tomatoes and every time I go to the fridge to use them, they are soft and on their way out. I like coleslaw, but only a spoon full, and only every now and then, so when I fancy another spoon full it’s off. You see, my baby is 18 years old and at university. I am still in mummy buying mode when I go to the supermarket. I still have a problem cooking for one. This is something I have to learn. I am also learning to buy fruit, veg and coleslaw when I need them. I have been holding on to my old shopping list mentally, I’ve got to let it go because it does not serve me. I also have honey in the back of my cupboard, no-body eats honey in my house. Why do I have honey in the cupboard? Because you should have honey in the house, in case the children have a cough, and you can give them honey and lemon. Well, as I just mentioned, my baby is 18 years old and at University. I can’t remember ever, giving my children lemon and honey, I use to buy cough meds. My point here is, like me you may find that you have items in your cupboard that you don’t eat, but feel you should have it in your cupboard. Don’t do it, if it does not serve you any good purpose, get rid of it.
Have a look in your cupboard, look in the fridge if there are items that do not serve you, give them away, or throw it out and DO NOT re-buy.
FRIENDS
Not to repeat myself, but you know who I am talking about. The ‘friends’ or family member who drain you of your energy, time and money. Those people in your life that have the burden of the world on their shoulders and feel that you have to sit and listen to their woes. Or those people in your life that keep you around, just in-case they may need you! You can picture who i’m talking about. Yes that person or those people are holding you back and properly have been doing just that for years. Let go of these people...Do it nicely. Need help? Blog@loveliveholistically.com
Stop conversations with these people that do not serve you. Stay away from people whose aim is only to make sure that you are at arms length in-case they need you. For me, I am now not available to be your crutch, I now distant myself from anyone who use me as phone-in Agony Aunt or a constant sounding board for their trivial often petty issues. I was going to add that family can be a little harder to distant yourself from but, they are people too and if the hat fits, you need to make sure they wear it. Anybody yes, anybody who takes from you and gives nothing in return, after this day all you should be giving and hopefully receiving is pleasantries. You can not clear out the fridge, sort out the cupboard, stop buying unwanted food and using lard! without sorting through your friends and family. The sorting has just began, lets go up stairs.
CLOTHES
Keeping clothes (for a year/s) until you can fit into them is never going to work. Firstly, if you have bagged or boxed up clothes in the hope of fitting into them when you lose weight, by the time you are at your desired weight the clothes will be outdated. Secondly, when you get that new body, you are going to want or need new clothes to put on that body.
Now let me give you a little insight into YOU. Are you ready? Then I shall begin.
In all the clothes that is taking up room in your wardrobe, or boxed up somewhere, do you have any in which you had an argument in? Think back...That little black/purple/green or even orange number you use to wear all the time, that dress or shirt you was wearing when you had an almighty argument or fight in? Keep thinking, It had a little stain on it! Is that item of clothing still amongst the clothes you are hoping to fit into when you lose weight? I bet you do not still have it, I bet you got rid of that outfit, never to be seen again. Why? Because every time you saw the dress, shirt or suit it reminds you of the argument. Right! Blog@loveliveholistically.com
Now tell me about the clothes you do have stuck away. No tell me about that lovely black/purple/green or even orange number you use to wear when you went out. Tell me about that suit you kept, you know the one you was wearing when you got that job. Are you thinking? It doesn’t take long to bring those memories back does it?. Those items are in the ‘fit into when I lose weight’ pile.
Here comes the shocker....You will never look as good as you did back then in that dress or shirt....NEVER that was then, that was when, if you believe in that sort of thing, all the stars aligned and everything seemed to be working in your favour. That date, You felt like the bomb, you knew you looked good on that night, The date couldn’t have gone any better, you said all the right things, s/he said all the right things, everything just fitted into place. Best date ever. That interview. You got up that morning with a spring in your step, anxious but looking forward to the interview. You managed to get there 20 minutes before the interview, you felt comfortable, you looked great, and you got the job. Your best night out outfit. You looked fabulous, your hair looked great, your make up, if you wear it was flawless. You was flying. People were staring as you walked in, guys/girls wanting to dance with you, best night ever. Those clothes are still in your loft, boxed and or hanging in your wardrobes. Why? Because you are trying to re-create the feelings................I’ll let you digest that for a minute............ Blog@loveliveholistically.com Losing weight to fit into that dress or shirt is not going to bring those feelings back. You would have to re-wind time for that to happen.
Clothes that are kept for sentimental reasons are great, they allow you to indulge in positive memories, make those boxed clothes memories too. Do not keep clothes under the guise of fitting into them when you lose weight, when in fact you really are just trying to get your groove back. Getting your groove back is a whole new blog...see you there. Blog@loveliveholistically.com
Back to those clothes. Please sort through them, put those memories in its mind space, box up the clothes and give them to charity. They serve you no purpose and could be serving someone else. They are holding you back, for some of you they are trying to drag you back ten years. Keep the memories, throw the clothes out. Blog@loveliveholistically.com
MEMORIES
Holding on to good memories is a good thing......But remember they are just that memories, trying to re-live those memories will hold you back. One can not rewind time. Have you ever wondered why as an adult, when you visit a place you use to frequent as a child, the place looks very different? The reason for this is, as a child you saw the place through a child’s eye. As an adult your focus is very different.
As a child, throughout the summer break, my parents would take me to Southend-on-sea, sometimes two or three times during this school break. My focus then, was the sea, sand, the fun fare, the toffee apples, the rock and the fish and chips. As an adult I took my children to my summer break ‘fun place’ and focused on the cost of rides at the fun-fare, where we will go to eat and leaving the area before it got too dark. Same place different age and focus. Great memories are to stay great memories. Any attempt to re-live it will cause things like clothes hoarding! Blog@loveliveholistically.com
THOUGHTS
What thoughts are you holding on to that is holding you back? We can not help re-playing thoughts that do not serve us. I believe that thoughts come up to be dealt with. So you find yourself thinking of an ordeal you had endured. It’s time to deal with them. Re-playing it over and over is not going to place it where it should live. We call upsetting thoughts, bad thoughts or negative memories. Memories are memories, thoughts are thoughts. They live in the same place as good thoughts or positive memories. You can change a ‘good’ or positive memory into a ‘bad’ or negative memory Let’s take my 2/3 trips to Southend during the summer break. For me it is a positive memory of my childhood, surrounded by the fan fare, the sea, sand, toffee apples etc....Let’s turn it into a ‘bad’ or negative memory. Here we go......... My parents could have taken me somewhere else, they had a car, surely another sea side destination would have made a change. Some of my friends went to visit relatives in the summer, they could have taken me to see my relatives, as I didn’t get to see them though-out the year. Plus we never actually got to stay there long enough. Please bear in mind I am trying really hard to make this a ‘bad’ or negative though so that is all I can come up with. Blog@loveliveholistically.com
My good memory will be changed into a bad or negative thought, if I repeat this thought of ‘my parents could have taken me somewhere else’ over and over again. I will begin to cement this thought into a bad or negative memory. Thankfully I do not believe these things, and going to Southend every summer will remain a ‘good’ or positive memory. As I said earlier, thoughts surface to be dealt with. A Good thought pops up and it may make us smile. A bad or negative thought pops up and amongst over things, it may make us feel upset.
So let’s deal with a bad or negative thought. Remember, it has surfaced so it must be placed somewhere. First let’s look at what your beliefs are around a childhood negative thought. Here’s a question you may ask. ‘Why did they do that to me?’ You quickly answer this question with another negative thought ‘because they disliked me’ or ‘I did something to make them hurt me’. Now work with me here, what if I told you that what they did to you had nothing to do with you, but something to do with them.....Changing your belief around a bad or negative thought or memory can help towards changing the thought. Let’s try and put that negative thought somewhere else. Lets put it in the ‘I did not deserve that ill treatment’ pile. Lets also put it in the ‘There was something wrong with them, for ill treating me‘ pile. Now, if you understand that there was something wrong with them, we may be able to begin to put them in the forgiveness pile. It’s easy for me to say, forgive someone for something they did to you and move on. Not so easy at your end, you’ve had to endure the hurt. You may have been powerless to do anything about it. It hurts right now, just thinking about it. What purpose does it serve you, going over and over the ordeal? I am not trying to cure PTSD here, I am merely asking you what purpose does it serve? Let it go, by putting it in a different pile. If the person who hurt you is still alive, do you think they replay the hurt they caused you? They have put it in their own pile, a pile that allows them to live with what they did. Blog@loveliveholistically.com
With you taking control of the hurt caused, you can begin to place them in the Forgiveness pile. Forgiveness Mayo Angelou states is ’one of the greatest gift you can give yourself’ Let go of it. I say you can begin to place it in the forgiveness pile because one can not change a thought, positive or negative over night. They will need to replay the alternative e.g negative thought to a positive thought over and over and over until they believe that thought and it becomes cemented. Like my childhood Southend memory, its cemented, and serves me well as when I think of it, the memory makes me smile.
M. Farouk Radwin (Msc) Writes about positive and Negative thinking. Asking us to imagine Negative thoughts as a plate of rotting food. Radwin suggests that most people try to get rid of the smell or the plate instead of the food. Changing ones’ belief about a negative memory and beginning to put forgiveness in the mix, is walking over to the outside bin to throw out the rotting food. Blog@loveliveholistically.com
CONCLUSION
What are you holding on to that you should have let go of years ago? Do you hold on to traditions that do not serve you any good purpose? Like some of the items in Grandma’s recipes that you could substitute for a healthier alternative, but you insist on serving it the way Grandma made it. I don’t know where I got the notion that I should have honey in my cupboard, which use to go past its ‘eat by date’ which I use to throw away and re-buy. I don’t even like Honey. But it was just something that you should have in the cupboard isn’t it, No it is not, you’ll be surprised what you keep in your house that you really don’t need, you’ll find that you have them there for no other reason than ‘it’s what we do’. Throw out or give away and DON’T RE-BUY. Iyana Vanzant was adamant that a store should have a cleaning product that her mother had bought, and she felt she should also buy, not even considering that another brand could have been just as good. What are you adamant about in your life or home that you feel you must have? Without giving something else a chance, an attitude like that holds you back, keeps you stuck and not open to new possibilities.
Since I have started following my passion, I have become open to the possibilities that some people in my life are holding me in their bubble (See What’s in your Bubble) and I really don’t want to be there. I don’t want to spend 40minutes on the phone listening to them tear down one of their friends, the community or the local government. I no longer want to be that person who they call when they have a relationship problem only to be put in a draw until the next relationship crisis occurred. Have you ever come away from phone calls that made you feel used and not being able to mention any of your problems? Blog@loveliveholistically.com People like that are holding you back. There should be give and take in every relationship, even if it ends up just being pleasantries.
Material things can hold you back too. Things you hold on to that really, you should have kept the memory and thrown or given away the item. Clothes come under that category. You know that you are not gonna wear that dress or shirt ever again, you are just attached to the memory it has given you. I am sure that we all have sentimental items that we should hold on to, but the clothes that have been hanging in your wardrobe for a year should go....Really they should go....as for the ones that you have boxed up ..........I have no words. Blog@loveliveholistically.com
Memories that make us smile, serve a purpose. The thoughts that make us feel sad need to be placed somewhere. Radwin suggest that we should throw it away like rotting food. I propose that we can then begin to usher them towards the forgiveness pile. I hope this blog has opened your eyes to some of the things that you have been holding on to that you could and should, throw or give away. I hope it has shown you where certain things and people have been holding you back, and you should have gotten rid of years ago. My aim as always is to show you different ways at looking at things and thrive for the best you, you can be. Blog@loveliveholistically.com
