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Happiness confused with contentment.
There may be items around your home, that when you look at them, you feel happy! You feel happy in that moment while looking at, or walking past the item. Perhaps you reminisce about where you brought or the circumstance in which you acquired the item. The item could be a picture and as you look at the faces smiling back at you, you feel happy. A picture of my children and Grandson always, always make me smile. As I pass the bust I have of Harriet Tubman and Fredrick Douglass, they look down at me from the top of my bookshelf, I smile as I am happy that I had them commissioned. Happiness is monetary.
Happiness is also a journey, one becomes happy thinking about the destination i.e getting that promised gift, going on holiday, going to purchase something for yourself or a loved one etc. I found that most people use the word happiness instead of the contentment! 'Contentment is a state of happiness and satisfaction' Oxford Languages
Contentment is an emotional state of satisfaction that can be seen as a mental state, maybe drawn from being at ease in one's situation, body and mind. Colloquially speaking, contentment could be a state of having accepted one's situation and is a milder and more tentative form of happiness. Wikipedia
Lee Serpa Azevado in his article 'Happiness vs. Contentment' states that 'Happiness is generally defined as the experience of frequent positive thoughts, such as joy, interest or pride. Contentment is generally defined as a longer lasting, but a deeper feeling of satisfaction and gratitude. Happiness is arguably viewed as having a temporary feeling attached to it'.
Some may say, if happiness is monetarily, why do so many people state, when asked, "what do you wish for your life?" They often say that they just want to be happy. We know that that statement is loaded and often mean that they want to be healthy, financially comfortable, which further means to be able to pay their bills, their rent or mortgage and to purchase what they want when they want it. This type of happiness, they want for themselves and their family. So just wanting to be happy means so much more. In fact in this instance, being happy means being in a state of satisfaction.
For me, feeling content means having all my ducks in a row. Everything in my mind at the time, feels in place. I must admit, I have have had very few episodes of contentment. The ultimate feeling of contentment came one night on a weekend trip to my parents' house. I had two children at the time who were with me. The children were asleep on the double bed we were to sleep on. I got in beside them and turned to my mother and said "If I died tonight I would feel comfortable leaving" I remember my mum asking me if I felt that I was going to die? I can not remember my answer to her, but needless to say, I didn't die, but that feeling of being satisfied with the world, the fact that my children were safe and should I depart this world, they would be looked after, made me feel content.
I have had other minor feelings of contentment, when my children were young and had a full day of play in our garden (this was usually during summer break). They would have eaten well, had their baths and are settled in bed, after which I clear the living room of their toys, as I did that task, I would feel content.
I could give you other minor feelings of contentment, but they all include my children being safe, fed, warm and happily asleep. Now my children are all adults, my minor feelings of contentment take the form of being grateful. I am grateful for waking up, grateful for being able to go out and purchase what I want, or having the choice to do what I want to do, when I want to do it. I try to be grateful as often as I can remember to be. I wouldn't call my minor bouts of contentment, moments of happiness, for me, the feelings are deeper than momentary or fleeting which can be attributed to being happy. Contentment, as mentioned above is an 'all is well' feeling. For me that would be all is well with my household and my world, I would feel that I am satisfied with my lot! Contentment like happiness is a moment by moment experience. I no longer feel great contentment that my children are safe, fed, warm and asleep. I can only assume that they are well and safe. Whether they have fed themselves and they are warm is now a wish I have for them, but if they decide they do not want either, there is very little I can do about it. As mentioned above, contentment for me, comes in the form of being grateful. The more I can feel grateful, the more I experience contentment.
What makes a person content, varies depending on their life at the time. I propose that, if like me, you are grateful for waking up in the morning, and for what most people take for granted you will experience contentment everyday.
Can you decide to remain happy? If so, for how long?
Think of a morning that you woke up late, you missed the bus or train that would get you into work on time. OR, you spill coffee on the cuff of your white shirt/blouse you are wearing, you don't have the time to change it as you have an important scheduled person to person meeting. You get in your car and hear a sound that tells you that something is not right with your car, you can't let it bother you right now, the car is still moving and stopping when the brakes are applied, you just need to get to that meeting. Needless to say, you hit traffic and know at this point you will be late.
How do you think you will be feeling while experiencing any of the scenario's above? Not happy I guess! Is it possible to remain happy, no matter what is happening or situation you are in?
I can not consider myself smiling (some may use as a visual sign of being happy!) when I am late for work or an important meeting. But I propose that we can eke out happiness in any situation. Remember that happiness is momentary! In order to eke out happiness in stressful situations one could use gratitude to get you there. In the scenario above, survey the situation. Tell yourself...It is not the end of the world as you know it. You are not running for your life. In fact being late does not threaten your life in any way or form. You should consider the situation at face value, or look at the whole 'scheme of things' In the whole scheme of things, you may say "I will be late, they may feel I am tardy, they may think I am not a professional. I may not get the job etc...These thoughts will surface, but if you do all you can, given the situation you are in, there is nothing more you can do. So in this situation you contact the person or the office of the person you are scheduled to meet, and explain that you are running late giving a time you hope to get there. Perhaps you will be told that the person you are about to meet is also running late, or you may be invited to re-arrange for another date. Our intention at the beginning of that day would be to arrive on time, but as we see, things do not always work out as planned. How do you feel in these situations? In my world, I remind myself that everything happens for a reason and that everything is actually working in my favour. My momentary happiness comes from the knowledge that this situation is just a hiccup in my day, and does not take anything away from me, especially not my happiness! Many people will use the scenario above to have a s*** day. If situations or even a spilt cup of coffee can cause some to decide to have an 'off' day, one can decide to remain happy although situations may not be the best, or as planned.
The other part of the question in the title was...How long can we remain happy? As happiness is momentary, and the scenario above may make one feel a little low the whole day, if that is the case, can one remain happy for the whole day? Sure, just as one can decide to to feel s*** for a day, it can be substituted for happiness. You may feel that being happy after turning up late for an important meeting does not make any sense, no one would feel happy after a morning like the one described in the scenario. For me, it makes no sense at all to allow one thing or situation that does not threaten my life, to dictate my whole day in a negative way. So deciding to be happy instead of unhappy for the day, answers our question...Can you decide to remain happy, if so for how long? One certainly can decide to be happy for the whole day if they so wish.
My latest Book 'Happiness'
