Are you dimming your light ?

10th October 2016

Are you dimming your light so that others do not feel insecure in your presences?

Arise, shine for your light has come and glory of the lord is risen upon you (Isaiah 60:1 KJ Version)

You may have heard the song - This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine.

Have you ever been in a room full of your peers, trying not to speak too much? Have you ever acted

un-knowledgeable because you didn’t want to out shine the speaker?

I have now grown to have my own persona, that when I enter a room of peers and colleagues, I am perceived with some uncertainty. I often get a feeling that people are unsure of me, a feeling of ‘what is she thinking’ I Sometime believe it is because I am a psychologist and people, may be thinking ‘What does she get from what I am saying’ . I no longer, try and fit in. I have learnt that I AM ME and will no longer try to dim my light because someone may feel uncomfortable in my presence. Should you meet me, you’ll find me approachable, should you get to know me, you will find that I am caring. Whatever else you perceive from me is your business, not mine. 

I refuse to try and be a shrinking violet or be like `Baby’ and sit in the corner. I will sit with everyone else and be counted. I will not hide away in-order to stop you from feeling uncomfortable. 

I am not saying that you should be the centre of attention in every gathering you attend. I believe that you should never feel that you HAVE TO be quite. You should not pretend that you are not present, all because your presence makes someone feel uncomfortable. NO NO NO, you matter your presence is as important as the person you are trying not to out shine.

Some questions for you.......Who are you trying not to out shine? And why? Is it a work colleague? Why is it that you feel you must be quite when they speak? Any person that makes you feel  less than is not someone you should be around. Is it your partner that makes you feel the urge to be quite when s/he speaks? Why are you not deemed to be on the same level as your partner? Why does s/he expect you to remain silent in their presence. Why does s/he make you feel less than?

Now, I understand that if you are in a meeting with your boss, and he or she is speaking, sure you need to listen. I am not speaking about common decency, etiquette, decorum or good manners. I am talking about your need to become a shirking violet around certain people. What will happen if you asserted yourself? Should you be around anyone who makes you feel less than?

Have you ever been shut down, by someone after you have told them about something you are passionate about? Have you ever been in mid sentence about your life, and your aspirations or dreams for your life, and you know that the person you are speaking to feels that your ideas are just flights of fancy, away with the fairies or just crazy?

What’s the worst that could happen?

This is what you do to your passion every-time it surfaces and you ignore it. Just like hiding your light under a bushel, you are hiding your talent or your passion under a bushel called life. If you find yourself worrying about what someone will say about your ideas, passion or aspirations, you are setting your light switch to dim. Stop dimming your light so other people don’t feel uncomfortable . 

Stop dimming your light so other people don’t feel uncomfortable . Stop dimming your light because someone has made you feel less than.

You tell someone your dream and they laugh, telling you that you have no chance of achieving it – If that happened your life would not end, you would have learnt something....not to tell that person about your dreams. Find like minded people to talk Find groups, social media has lots of groups – Google your passion and see what comes up. 

Why live in a dim environment, when you can light up your world. Finding and following your passion will illuminate your life, your world and more importantly, other peoples’ life. The worst thing that could happen is that you do not share your talent with the world.

We all have a talent, a gift that only we can give to the world. It may be singing (you know of a famous singer) It could be baking (you know a famous baker) Mr Kipling isn’t one of them! It may be speaking (you know a famous orator) But your community, your country, the world  hasn’t heard YOU sing, speak or tasted your baking. Your talent is unique to you. The world doesn’t need any more look-a-likes. You may have the same message as me, but would not be able to tell it like me, because this message comes from my perspective. I understand that a Red Velvet Cake is meant to taste a certain way. But I’ve had that cake many times and each time it has tasted different. That’s because it has come from different bakers. I have my favourite (Thank you, Kelly) and prefer to ask that person to bake it for me.  No one can do it like you, even if it’s been done before.

Picture by Fat Bear

I no longer dim my light, by trying to work for companies that would rather I shut up and sit down. My passion is to ensure people are treated equally, I also have a need to help people find and follow their passion which is far too strong, too loud to be put under a bushel.

What happens to a candle when you cup the flame? Your talent is that flame. Cupping your talent will dim it. You may end up putting it out all together. This is what we do when life gets in the way. We allow our passion to dim, instead of holding it high for all to see, literally. The higher you hold a candle, the brighter the room will become....try it.

As with life, I am here to live the life that was intended for me. I don’t want debt, I don’t want a 9 to 5. I don’t want to be told what to do and when to do it. I don’t want to have to ask Gods’ forgiveness for my feelings towards my work colleagues. I am my only employee and we get on pretty well. People tell me that I look healthier, more relaxed and happy. That’s because I AM. Nothing beats, waking up when I want to and going to bed having had a truly satisfying day. My light shines brightly for all who chooses to look my way.

Own your piece of your world. Be the centre of your bubble. Notice when you made your bubble the first person in it is you, then the other items, people, or situations enter. Be the centre of your world, by being in control you choose how to react to what comes in and what goes out of your life. Some one told me, that my writing was not good,  in-fact they told me that it was terrible. How I reacted made me not write for a while, feeling that maybe I couldn’t write for a living. Then life kept on putting me into situations in-which I had no choice but to write. I didn’t have any money for a lawyer so I did it myself. I can write, I love to write, I may need a proof reader and someone to correct my grammer (being dyslexic) Most of my family members has been asked, at one point or another to check the work for this blog. 

Whatever your talent is, God gives you the tools to do it. I’ve noticed that God does not see disabilities, when you are asked to do something, a way will be made. Did you know that Moses (in the bible) had a stammer? But was asked to lead the people out of Egypt. Moses may have wondered how can I lead people and I can’t even speak properly. David (in the bible) was a boy, when he was propelled to kill a giant with a sling shot. God does not see disability. We are the ones that notice disabilities, we decide what is going to hold us back.

T.D Jakes (an American ordained Bishop, author and filmmaker. Who has a congregation of thousands) has a lisp and was told that he couldn’t be a pastor because of it.

I also have a lisp but it has not stopped me making You tube videos or talking, my family can vouch for that .

Steven Hawking has a brilliant mind and has not stopped using it, to write books and communicate about the universe.

As parents, some of us feel that we have to work for an employer in-order to secure a constant wage. Working for someone else is a security blanket. What would happen if the company you worked for went bust and you couldn’t work there anymore? What would you have? In England you could apply for benefits to help you pay for food and the roof over your head. Another security blanket. I am not knocking it, I’ve been grateful for the benefit system for years. Consider this, what if you became your own security blanket? You may have thought that you was your families’ security blanket by working your job. But the company you worked for was the security blanket, not you. What if you became the security blanket, that gave more than a pay check to your family. What if you could leave a legacy. If this is too far-fetched for you to believe contact me.

Following your passion may take you out of your current place of work. In order to allow you to let your light shine, to allow you to spread your wings and fly. 

Many things begin to happen when you decide to let your light shine. First, it’s like there is a spot light on you. You hear the call of your destiny in the books you decide to read. You resonate with posts that you see on your social media pages. You begin to read this blog. For those shrinking violets out there, this may be uncomfortable (but you’ll get over it) The spot light gets brighter and floods the stage you are standing on, when you proclaim to yourself, friends and family that you are going to follow your passion, you then begin to take steps towards your new life. At this point a little light comes on in the heads of all that hear you say, you are about to change the equilibrium of their life, their insecurities begin to surface. (remember human beings don’t like change) If you can step back a while and watch this unfold, you’ll be surprised the form it takes. You will begin to hear their insecurities, they are not real reason why you shouldn’t follow your passion, they are just reasons to leave things as they are. These insecurities will seep through to you, because you are so use to dimming your light, you also enjoy your safe place and unconsciously don’t want change or perhaps you don’t want to rock the boat. One thing I have noticed about myself, is my mastery of not causing people unease, to my own determent most of the time. You have to get over this feeling of ‘they may feel uncomfortable’

As you may feel responsible for another persons’ unease, you again begin to dim your light. See how easy it is to dim your light? OK, So you have got pass the ‘Oh you are really gonna do something to change our way of living’ you decide to continue .....It’s here that your insecurities kick in, you’ve convinced everybody who is important to you, but you have not truly convinced yourself yet. Right here is when you need a mentor or someone to keep you on track, that someone will remind you that it is your time to shine and continue to follow where your talents lead you. As I do not want to repeat what I have written please read ‘Signs and Wonders’ found on this blog page or follow the link below. (Signs and Wonders)

Sometimes we need Signs or reassurances to let us know that we are on the right track. The more steps you take towards your passion the brighter your light will shine, whether you are a shirking violet or not, you will begin to get the voice needed to move you forward. You will find the voice to ask your boss for time off or for more pay and less hours! You will find the voice to tell your family to give you the time or help in-order to follow your passion. You will find the voice to tell your ‘B’ Friends to stay away or ‘fix up’. You will make time or space in-order to remove that cup from around your flame and shine. You matter in this world, and it’s not just to be somebody’s’ something. You weren’t born just to be a son/daughter wife/husband, sister/brother, niece/nephew. You was born with your own light, a light that flickers in a way that no other flame flickers.

What is your light doing now? Mine is shining , maybe not as brightly as i’d like, but shinning never the less.

Own your piece of the world by telling those important to you that you intend to follow your passion. What’s the worst that can happen if you let your light shine? Their insecurities? Own your piece of the world, be aware of what your light is doing now. Your flame is unique to your community, country and the world. They are waiting for your passion. To end this blog, a question. Who are you dimming your light for?

Check out my e-Book on Kindle


A look at what you do for a living, using examples from my life, that is, being a single mother at 17, being evicted from homes, enduring domestic violence to gaining an Honours degree in Psychology. I went on to study a Masters in Counselling psychology and PhD, to helping others find and follow their passion regardless of what life has thrown at them.