Are you getting what you are worth?

14th July 2016

How much do you get paid? How much do you think/believe you should be paid? Why do you think you should be paid more? Is the amount of work, a factor?  Is it your experience? Your education or is it because you have debts, or perhaps because you have a large family and need the extra money? Or are you the type that says: This is just what they pay me. This is what they say the jobs’ worth or this is the going rate. I see people running care homes on a pittance, they are often called Seniors, Shift or Team leaders. I knew one that all but run the Care home, while the manager who was new to the position sat back and did the ‘public stuff’ The marketing and disciplining. She often communicated to her staff through a communication book and that’s it. She did nothing else and was paid Manager money.  Maybe that Senior/shift leader should have been paid Manager money and the Manager paid admin wage......... If you work in Care, am I ringing any bells here? You could be saying ‘I have to take what I can get, until I can get better’ Sure, this is fine, and what many of us have had to do. But the aim is to be looking for better – Staying at a company for ten years of your life, hoping the manager will see your potential isn’t going to get you promoted or paid what you’re worth.

How long have you been on your current wage? When was your last wage increase? Are you getting what you’re worth? It’s funny that when buying something, we ensure we pay what we think the item is worth. You see the price for the item, you immediately decide whether it is worth it or not. 

Or are you a bargain hunter, do you always look for the best deal? When found and purchased you feel good about the item. In some cases, what you’ve brought at a bargain price is what it actually cost to make the item, so the seller doesn’t feel short changed, he /she may not have made a loss, but broken even, everybody is happy.

In pursuit of your passion, as I reminded you earlier, will push you to start to look at every aspect of your life. Let’s take a peek into someone’s life.

Her name is Jane, aged 39 years (had to be a woman, I can’t write from a mans’ perspective) Jane is a Mother of three with children aged 10, 12 ½ and 13 ¾ . Who all enjoy sports activities throughout the week and at weekends. She is a wife to Peter, her parents are alive and she has two siblings. One younger (female) the other, older (Male). Peter and Jane work full time, they have a mortgage and a few Credit cards, but all is manageable. They both have about six close friends each. Hobbies, Jane use to like to draw. Peter enjoys computer games and watching sport. With the scene set above, can you see how busy and full their lives could be? Oh I forgot the Labrador dog and the Tabby cat. People like Peter and Jane can claim to be satisfied with their ‘lot.’ They don’t have any health issues, there is money coming in from both adults in our make believe family. Jane says, Peter does his fair share with the children and the household chores. Peters’ parents are alive and help out with the children.

We could paint pictures of their life until the cows come home, but that is not what I’m here to do. All seems to be as it should be, until we ask Jane if she feels she gets everything she deserves out of life. Or ask her if she feels, she gets what she is worth? In order to answer the question, we will have to dissect Jane’s life.

Lets start with her marriage. Jane said her husband does his fair share with the children and household, his life appears just as full as Jane’s. Jane feels she has picked a ‘good one’ as they have known each other since they were 14 years old. Jane feels that her children are well balance, as she has never had to be called to the head teachers office, because her children had mis-behavioured. They have many out of school activities, which she takes them to and from. Her children are always invited to friends’ home for ‘play dates’ and birthday parties, which she takes them to and from, her children, she feels are popular. Jane states that her children are like any other kids their age. They don’t tidy their rooms, make their beds or hang their clothes up after taking them off. So on Saturdays, after taking the dog for a walk and feeding the cat, Jane sets to work on the house, for Jane Saturdays are spent ‘spring cleaning’ the whole house. Even Peter, seem to have forgotten where the laundry bin is, after removing his dirty clothes. If she needs to take one or two of the children to an activity, she will go shopping while they are there, Jane then picks them up and heads home. Saturday is Peters rest day, so he spends it chilllin with his computer games or watching sports. Jane will join Peter after she has cooked the dinner and washed up the dishes, That is, if she isn’t too tired. That’s Jane’s Saturday.

The week days consist of much the same, taking the dog for a walk before coming back to fix breakfast and ensuring the children have everything they need for school. Jane will then take the children to school before heading off to her stressful job. After leaving work, Jane heads off to her mother-in-laws’ to pick up the children and then home to cook the evening meal. Gosssshhhhhh, I’m tired, just writing about Jane’s life, with her ‘great picked’ husband and the ‘good kids’ for their age.

The question we want answered is – Is Jane getting what she deserves out of life? Or has Jane settled for what she has?

The other questions that begs to be asked are : When does Jane get time for herself? Where’s her ‘me time’?

A)     Can not be while walking the dog every morning

B)     Can not be while making breakfast.

C)    Can not be while ensuring the children have everything they need for school that morning, taking them to and from school. Then coming home and making sure her household functions.

Having a family is hard work, as the needs of everyone has to be addressed. But ‘me time’ is essential for growth. Does Jane get a chance to want anything else? After all, she has a good marriage, kids, friends and her extended family all alive and well. I think Jane is too busy catering to her families needs, to want anything else. Plus, Jane feels that if she was to take ‘me time’ all the things needed to make her home function, will not get done.

Can you see where Jane could crave out time for herself?

Jane is a Daughter, Sibling, Wife, Mother and friend. As such she is expected to live up to those titles. Jane is a sounding board for all the families concerns.

As a daughter, does she get help from her parents? It would seem so, as she picks up her children from her in laws after she has finished work.

As a sibling, she has a healthy relationship with her brother and sister.

As a wife, Jane seems to be taken for granted, Jane is not getting the help she deserves, Jane is not getting help caring for the children or with the household chores. As a mother, she has assumed the role well, but has taught her children to short change her, and not give her the help she deserves. I am not here to tell Jane or anyone else how to run their household, but the dog walking, breakfast and picking up of clothes can surely be delegated. Jane goes to a stressful Job, which she has been at for 4 ½ years, without a promotion.

Jane’s whole life doesn’t appear so angelic now, does it?

In her relationship with her in laws and siblings, Jane is their sounding board, but is able to tell them what concerns her, if she has an issue. So here there is give and take.

Jane and her six close friends seem to get along very well, as she sees them when she can. Sally is the only friend she sees often, as Sally pops in at least twice a week, with some issue or to borrow money.

Having looked at Jane’s life, can you see the areas that need changing? Can you see where she isn’t being given her fair share of ‘me time’, respect and appreciation?

Now look at every corner of your life, as a Son or Daughter, as a Partner, Mother, Father, or a Friend. How’s things there? Does your parents expect more from you than you can give? What about the other people in your life? You are going to have to be honest.

As a wife or husband, where in your relationships can you delegate some of your chores, to free up some time for you? Just because he or she has stuck around for ten years, doesn’t mean they have the right to take you for granted. Are they really pulling their weight? Are you really getting what you deserve in this part of your life? Or are you settling? In order not to rock the boat. If it’s the latter, we need to talk

Check in every corner of your life to see if you are getting short changed.

I am not saying totally disrupt your household, but maybe you can re-set the equilibrium. In your search  for finding and following your passion, you was warned that it would cause people to leave your friendship. Others will realize that you have changed. You will not have the time for fruitless relationships, relationships that drain you, sap you of your energy and sometimes money. Finding and following your passion is a lonely quest, but one that speaks loudly to everyone around you.

If Jane does not delegate some of her chores, she will firstly burn out and secondly, never hear the call of her passion. Your passion will pull at you or whisper in your ear, but you have to be still enough to hear it. Do you think Jane should put her needs and wants to one side? Maybe until her children have left for university, by then she may be able to leave her stressful job, and Peter may realize that she is not a superwoman and decide to lend a hand? mmmm, I believe that one’s life would prosper if they only lived their life, doing what they are passionate about. I believe Jane should be living her dream.

Here’s what I think she should do....... Children – The children to walk the dog, failing this she has a work colleague who would love to take him. 

They are to put their clothes away, when removed from their bodies and to help keep the home clean. Jane is to take the children to and from their activities half of the time, leaving Peter to be the dad cab the other times. Peter – Peter is to cook dinner twice a week, put clothes away when removed from his body, as mentioned above, take children to and from some of their activities. Help keep the home clean. Peters’ parents – When the children arecollected from school, to prepare their evening meal, twice a week. After which Peter can pick up.

Jane – Jane to cook dinner twice a week. Jane to order take out once a week. Shopping to be done ‘on-line’ and to be delivered to the house. Fresh produce can be purchased in her lunch hour if she wishes. Jane to stop lending money to her friend Sally, which we discovered amounted to £300.00 per month.(sad) Jane to speak to manager at work, regarding work stress and promotion.

On the days that Jane does not have to collect the children from her in-laws, she can get home and relax, perhaps take a long bath, cook or order out for herself and Peter, if he hasn’t eaten with the children. She could also begin to draw again or look for local drawing classes. On the weekends – This time is for the family to bond, while cleaning the house, for at least an hour and Jane can schedule this before the children get ferried to their activities. I can report, that Jane followed my advice and is living a less stressful lifestyle. The dog has been given to Janes’ work colleague, who thought all her Christmases had all come at once. The children had refused to walk him. Jane found that although she loved him, she was the only person who was looking after him. The children now put their clothes away, (most of the time) and help to clean up after themselves. Saturdays are a hive of activity while the children try to get their chores done before Jane decides to take them to their various activities. There was one or two Saturdays where they had not done their chores so had to forfeit their weekend activities. (Didn’t go down very well, but as I said this only happened once or twice). Jane does her weekly shop on-line, giving her in-laws some of the groceries to help with the meals they provide twice a week. Janes’ mother-in-law said that she wondered why she hadn’t thought of this before, as she was only too happy to oblige. Her mother-in-law often wondered why she would pick the children up at 5.30pm then go home to begin cooking their evening meal, when they could be eating at 5pm. After speaking to Peter about what she does to keep the house functioning, and what he could do to help. Peter said that he had not realized that she was under so much stress. Peter had no issue picking up and dropping off the children at their activities and felt a little embarrassed about the mess he makes with his clothes. Peter doesn’t like cooking but does it anyway. The family enjoy ‘takeout night’ because they watch a movie together with ‘treats’ throughout, on Friday nights. This family are now bonding over two days, bringing them closer. Jane now works part time, the days off are spent pursing her passion to draw. She has taken a drawing course. Jane is less stressed and everyone in her household appears to be happy. But this is just a scenario i’ve made up. Peter and Janes’ life could be have gone very different, with the family refusing to corporate plus health and financial issues to contend with. Iyanla Vanzant Reminds us all that 'You Matter'  Click on her image to hear her message.

 Can you see where you can make changes in your life?. It may not be as easy as Peter and Jane’s life, but can you see how changes can be made to facilitate your passion. Can you see how life changes (for the better) when you pursue your passion.

Here’s the thing with following your passion, when you get there, your life will change for the better. It will be less stressful. It’s the getting there that may cause some stress. The relationships that you will have to let go of, the disrespect and lack of appreciation (which you may have become accustomedto) will stand out like a shinny pin. You will begin to acknowledge them,and they will be dealt  with it. You will begin to demand what you are worth.

I am not saying that following your passion will cure any illnesses you may have, but it may decrease your stress levels.

Again I am not saying that making a living from what you are passionate about will make you a millionaire in a month of starting, but in doing what you are passionate about and helping others will be priceless.

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A look at what you do for a living, using examples from my life, that is, being a single mother at 17, being evicted from homes, enduring domestic violence to gaining an Honours degree in Psychology. I went on to study a Masters in Counselling psychology and PhD, to helping others find and follow their passion regardless of what life has thrown at them.