love live holistically

1stNovember 2018

Have you ever walked into a room full of people and felt uneasy? No not the type of uneasy, that you get when you enter a room of people you don’t know…This is different, it’s often a feeling you can’t explain.

Have you been around a friend or family member that made you feel uneasy, for no logical reason?

Have you ever had a sense that the person talking to you is lying?

Is there someone in your life that presses your buttons? Just by being near them? Blog@loveliveholistically.com

Ever had the feeling that it’s time to leave that job, that relationship, that situation?

Not only is your intuition telling you get out. Your Soul is unhappy and sending you signals. Often times, the above scenarios are just feelings, a feeling that you can’t articulate or put your finger on, you just know you feel uncomfortable.

This blog aims to make you aware of when and what makes your Soul feel uneasy, and the importance of keeping your Soul happy. When your Soul is happy, you feel content.

The Soul is the best part of us. It is Light, Goodness, Love, Peace, Pure. The list is endless. The Soul is everything that is Good. There are many names for this part of us, some people call it Source, Spirit, the place where God resides within us. The function of the Soul is to look after our well-being, keep us safe and on the right path for our lives.

Just as the body speaks to us, through how or what we are feeling, how well its parts are performing or whether they have stopped all together, the Soul speaks to us. The Soul speaks to us through intuition. Intuition is that small voice inside us that says “Don’t take that job” “Do go over there” “Don’t buy or eat that”. “Wait, Go, Stop” The Soul, like the body, needs to be or feel happy. Feel is the operative word here. When the Soul speaks directly to you, you feel it.

When the Soul speaks to you directly you make comments like ‘I immediately felt at home’ The Soul felt at home. You may say ‘There was a feeling of doubt there’ The Soul felt doubt in that situation. Perhaps you have caught yourself saying ‘There was just something about him/her I didn’t trust’. That was the Soul feeling distrust.

I have found that as I have gotten older. I refuse to stay where I feel uncomfortable. I have often told my children. If you feel uncomfortable leave. This is why, when going out with friends, you carry with you ‘vex money’. Vex money, is fare home money.

I have spoken about keeping the soul happy in my blog Negative/Positive does it matter and the cues that we refuse to listen to, only to cause ourselves more stress and anxiety.

When your soul is unhappy you feel it. Often it is sometime after the event that we find out that our feelings, thoughts or gut feeling was right. The Soul is our inner compass steering us in the right direction and is never wrong. We live in a society that cause us stress, from needing to get to work on time to buying a house in ‘this economic climate’. We cannot avoid stress. What we can do to lesson the incidents that make us uneasy and ensure, as often as possible, we feel comfortable throughout our everyday activities. In doing this we stress less, make our lives easier and keep the Soul happy, which in turn makes us more pleasant to be around and like a chain, if you are happier, your household is happier, if your household is happy. The people you interact with outside your home become happier. Imagine what would happen if everyone was happier! You will have impacted the world! In order to lesson those uneasy feelings, we have to get our house in order, you have to clean and try to maintain the equilibrium.

Let’s clean house, as a child and growing up in a Pentecostal church going household, Saturday was the day for cleaning house, the house needed to be spotlessly clean for Sunday. The day that we would attend church in the morning, come home for dinner sometimes with guests, then return for evening service. On Wednesday we would have prayer meetings, sometimes in the home of a parishioner. Throughout the week we would have church members visit our home with their woes and their need to for advice. Our house had to be kept clean and tidy as anyone could ‘drop’ by at any time.

In order to reach, what Buddhism call Nirvana a place of perfect peace and happiness. There is a continually ‘house cleaning’, by following The eightfold path this is Right View, Right Intention, Right Speech, Right Action, Right Livelihood, Right Effort, Right Concentration and Right Mindfulness. As this is a wheel so there is no 1st 2nd or 3rd step. One continually put these practices into action, everyday at every interaction at every second of ones day.

For the purposes of this blog we will use the way we feel as an indication of how well we have cleaned house, or whether we need to do another cycle!

To clean house I will start with the Feet.

Feet- Where do you go? Lets start with your place of work, I have spoken about going to a place of work that you don’t like and the effects of doing just that in my book ‘What Do You Do For A Living’,(2016) Angela Scott . How does it make you feel? Remember the Soul will let you know if it is unhappy by the way you feel. To ensure that you feel better about the place you work or the type of job you have. You will have to change anything that does not serve your Soul’s well-being. Seek out ways to make that change, only you will know what needs to be done.

Does your feet take you anywhere else, you really don’t want to go? Blog@loveliveholistically.com How often do you go to a gathering that you really don’t want to attend? Every Sunday? Just asking! How do you feel while you are there? Is your Soul telling you something? Your reasons for attending are your own, but if it is making your Soul unhappy or uneasy…Should you still be putting in all that effort to be there? Your Soul has already spoken to you, and you know what needs to be done. No one said it was going to be easy. I am here to alert you to the fact that your Soul is trying to communicate something to you. What is it saying and will you adhered to it’s instructions.

Seat- Who do you take tea with? Does your life have you sitting with people you would rather not be around? Again, your Soul will let you know that you are at the wrong table. Take control of who you dine with, take tea with, have lunch with, go for drinks with. I value my time and who I eat with, so would not waste it sitting down with someone to nourish myself, if I felt uneasy around them. I do understand that you can’t help being seated beside a co-worker in the works restaurant or café . This is perhaps why I never attended work do’s….I always thought, ‘you’re ******y at work, what is going to make you any different when we are out?’ Back to choosing who you sit with or spend time with. Consider your reasons for sharing your time with a person or people that you feel uneasy around. What does your Soul, make of your decision to sit and break bread with them. Does it sit well with your Soul?

Mindful eating

If you are mindful of what you eat you will ensure that when you eat or drink with others, you are in the company of people with whom you and your spirit feel comfortable. Being aware of what you eat, will ensure you enjoy the actual act of eating. Take the time to appreciate your food, be mindful of where it comes from and what it took to reach your table.

In (Peace Is Every Step, 1990) Thich Nhat Hanh states, ‘If I offer you a freshly picked tangerine to enjoy, I think the degree to which you enjoy it will depend on your mindfulness. If you are free of worries and anxiety, you will enjoy it more’. Is your weight an issue? How do you use food? As a punishment or to nourish yourself? How do you feel after eating? Is there any sadness linked to eating? If you are sad, your Soul is sad too. You need to enjoy every aspect of your life, eating is a basic need. If there are concerns attached to eating, seek help Blog@loveliveholistically.com

Private Area - Intimate relationships are those who are closest to us.

Your personal space.

Sexual Partner/s – Have you looked at your sexual relationship/s closely? Perhaps you feel that they are not important…. They are very important for obvious reasons. Sexual interactions have their own very powerful spiritual effects on the Soul. How do you feel about this part of your life? If things are great, no need to read further. If the sexual relationship/s you have entered into does not feel right, then it is not right, again only you will know what feels right or wrong to you. Do the right thing!...... We are cleaning house and you will have to clean under the bed as well as on top!

Immediate family.

Immediate family members can be a joy to your Soul, whether you have given birth to them or not, whether you are blood related or not. When I think of my own children, my grandson and Godchildren my soul fills with joy....(I’m smiling as I write these words). I think of the antics some of them got up to. I know that it is only by the grace of God that they are with me today. I love my children and grandchild. I know that I am privileged to be able to speak to all my children everyday, having conversation like ‘Mum I’m at the bus stop and it won’t arrive for 20 minutes, so I’ve called you to keep me company until it gets here’ to ‘I’ve met this girl and she said this……what do you think mum?’ I may get tears from one of my children then belly spiting laughter from  another, this can happen in the space of 40 minutes. I love my children, they bring me joy. However not all family members have this ability, some may press your buttons. This button presser could be your child or your partner.. …(I’m here to say what you won’t) You need to find out what it is about YOU that makes YOU feel the way you do about your partner or child…..If YOU are true to YOURSELF, YOU will know the answer to this question…Should you need professional help to find out…Go seek some…..We can discuss this further DrScott@loveliveholistically.com Acknowledge the feeling and change it. How can you project to the world that all is well, when at the foundation of your life (your home life) something is very wrong. Relationships outside the home may not have the ability to flourish if the ones inside have issues?

I realise that there are other close friends and family members that insist on being around you most of the time. How do you feel around certain members of your family? If it is unpleasant, then limit your time around them, yes you can do it. I understand that in family dynamics, one may have certain obligations and it is not my job to tell you what to do, you will need to find a way to ensure that you are in control of when, where and for how long you are around this person or people…Yes it’s as simple as that. When you have decided that you must be around this or these family members, prep yourself before meetings, decide that you will not be drawn into any negativity, decide that when the time is up, the time is up. You leave or you make your excuses not to be in conversation or any other interaction with this person. You will find that you will have to make some hard decisions, in-order to ensure that you are in control of your time. Choosing to be in the company of those who make you feel loved, is priceless and helps your Soul to feel happy.

Hands-What do you do, maybe for a living? We have covered that, but have you considered the TYPE of work you do, is it pleasing to your Soul? Or is there something telling you that you really shouldn’t be in that line of work….Perhaps there is a pull from within that says you should be vegan, yet you work in a abattoir!

What else do you do with your hands that goes against what you Soul tells you is not for you? Maybe you just know you shouldn’t be doing that? This could be that secret habit you indulge in!

John Wesley, in 1771 coined the phrase cleanliness is next to godliness, are your hands clean? (Metaphorically speaking) are you part taking in something you shouldn’t, even by association?  You already know what that is, your Soul would have let you know through the way you feel, before and after you have used your hands to do that thing that does not please your Soul.

What do you positively put your hands to? Is it giving to charity? Is that helping out a sick or elderly relative? How do you feel before choosing to help? Is your Soul happy with your offerings of generosity? I am guessing it is. Can you mention the words to describe your feelings when you help others? There maybe a sense of accomplishment, pride, appreciative, good, happy and all the other nice feelings that come with being of service.  I read a post that said: 

The more you do that makes your Soul happy the happier you will become.

Heart/health- Do you consider yourself healthy? And what has that got to do with the Soul? Well if you are constantly complaining (to your Soul) that you are ‘too’ fat, too slim, too tall, too short, or that you do not have a big enough this, or a small enough that, if it concerns you, it concerns the Soul. According to The BMI most people are ‘too’ something. Again do you consider yourself healthy? If not, do something about it. If you are a type of person who has ‘too’ issues, then you spend an awful lot of time wishing parts of your body was a different size or shape. What do you think your Soul makes of that? Happy or Sad? Fix it or live with …that’s it Amen. Your health is important so you should endeavour to care for it.. This is not the place to tell you what you should do and what you should not do, you should already know. There are some conditions that have ‘come upon us’, if that is the case, seek advice, work with your doctors or health care practitioner towards the best you, you can be….Being healthy, aids happiness people who are happy are more resistant to diseases ranging from the common cold to heart disease. (Shimoff, Marci. Happy for No Reason. Simon and Schuster, 2008) State that happiness has been shown to increase antibodies by as much as 50 percent, while stress and anxiety tend to make people more susceptible to sickness, including diabetes and stroke. (Cohen, Sheldon, PhD; et al. "Emotional Style and Susceptibility to the Common Cold." Psychosomatic Medicine. Nov. 2006.) 

Needless to say, that being healthy includes the heart. While we are here, what do you keep in your heart that shouldn’t be there? Blog@loveliveholistically.com Who or what situation do you need to heal or forgive? Again this is not the place to delve into who or what you need to forgive….But remember that forgiveness is not for the other person. Forgiveness is for you! Forgiveness helps you move on with your life. Consider this, does the other person think about what they did to you, as often as you do? They may have just gotten on with their lives? Holding that person or situation in your heart, ensures that you are always carrying them around with you, you keep them close to you, they become a part of your life, they hinder you trying certain things, they stop you from enjoying things you would have ordinarily enjoyed…Help is at hand to aid the difficult process of forgiveness, in-order to forgive yourself, to forgive the situation and to forgive the person or people. Blog@loveliveholistically.com .The Soul will bring up those situations, people or person, every now and again in-order for you to begin your healing process. Your memory does not work alone, how you feel about something that has happened or did not happen will determine whether you move forward (begin to heal) or whether you hold the thoughts tighter, closer to you. Forgiveness sets the Soul free, it will no longer have to feel burdened, it will no longer hurt every-time a certain song is played, an aroma is smelt, a date reaches its anniversary, a name is mentioned and so on.

Eyes, Ears and Tongue

Eyes - Be aware of what you are watching on TV or streaming from the internet. What is the subject matter of the  programmes you watch?  Crime? Nature? Love stores? News? You can control most of the things you come in contact with, ensure that you do not visit a friend at a time when they watch certain programmes that will sadden you. Take control of what is watched in your household, if you find that difficult, tell your teenagers or partner that you would rather not have certain programmes on when you sit down to watch TV. Make arrangements so they watch their programmes in their room or when you are out, sort it out, it can be done. If you must be in the same room, put earphones on, and watch or listen to something you do like.

In my Blogs ‘Negative/Positive, does it matter’ and ‘Perception’ you are asked, how do you view situations you find yourself in? A rule of thumb to keep your Soul happy, is to see positive first, most situations become negative, difficult, or harder than they really are, because of how we view them…..If you lead with, ‘something positive has got to come from this situation’, although the situation appears not to be what you want or need right now, stick with it…….’This is working in my favour’…’This is working in my favour’. You will find that the upset or unwanted situation will work itself out, you will come out the other end….You will get through it…You always do, you are here now…You have been through difficult times and have lived to talk about….You’ll get through this one. In my blog ‘Trying’ I ask, why doesn’t things work out for me? I found that I would put a goal, a time limit on God, to provide what I wanted when I wanted it…. Not a good idea. Look at your current difficult situation and ask yourself…What part did I play to bring about this situation? Whatever it was, remember ‘everything is working in my favour’. Work towards changing your situation. Keeping the Soul happy would not involve crying and screaming over what has happened, having a tantrum or taking it out on another ‘Soul’! What you see or how you see things have a bearing on how you will heel. One cannot help feeling upset or sad in certain situations, but how long you feel that way is up to you.

Ears-What do you pick up from The TV, radio and your social media daily diet? We spoke about the unseen pressures these mediums put on you in ‘Negative /positive does it matter’…..But do you really believe they have any ‘power’ to stress you, or to upset your Soul?

I showed you research by Szabo, A., & Hopkinson, K. L. (2007) Called ‘The Negative psychological effects of watching the news on television’, which suggested that if you watch or listen to 15 minutes of news without relaxing, such as progressive relaxation, after this intake, you are likely to experience mood disturbances. We carry around within us, that sad story we heard on the news or the pictures that flashed before us, courtesy of a ‘friend’ on Facebook, all day. Imagine it’s effect on your mood.

Are you conscious of what you listen to, or hear? Does the news play in the background as you rush around getting ready for work? Is the music coming from your childrens’ devices conductive to their world view of men, women or other cultures? Is it conductive to their growing mind? These are the invisible teachers we have invited into our lives.  Is it keeping your soul happy? Does it make your Soul sing? Silent any negative sounds you allow in your home. You are not being forced to listen to anything that does not please you. Consider the amount of  negative, sometimes destructive sounds you allow in your life. Again take control of what you listen to, what your children, or household listen to. Change it, within a week of cleaning up your listening habits, you will feel the difference.

Gossip- I must admit, I enjoy hearing a juicy piece of gossip every now and then. I am not interested in showbiz or celebrity gossip. I have listened to family gossip, and the interesting tip bits my children feed me about their siblings. Dr. Robin Dunbar’s thesis in his book ‘Grooming, Gossip, and the Evolution of Language’ is that, gossip is the human version of primate grooming. He goes on to say that that we gossip to strengthen our social status because we can’t groom each other. That may be the case, but in everything we do, it is the intention that is of outer-most importance. What are your intentions when you listen to gossip? Blog@loveliveholistically.com (I am sure I will not get many emails answering that question) Consider what you do with the information you receive through listening to gossip. Do you go and tell someone else? What do you gain from that activity? Be honest.

Being told something by one of my children about their sibling gives me the opportunity, if needs be, to subtly bring up the subject in their presence, giving them the opportunity to discuss it with me or at least know that I may be aware and open to any discussions on the subject. My intentions have always been honourable and I am fully aware that the person who the gossip was about, did not come and tell me themselves, so, have their reasons for keeping it from me. But these are my children. What about work colleagues? What are your intentions after hearing that Sharon in accounts,is having an affair with Tom from Marketing? Or that Susan’s husband hits her? Or perhaps James is off with Mental health issues..What do you do with what you have heard. The affair gossip, is juicy and some what voyeuristic in nature. For me, I would wish them well, but hope they have told their partners that they are interacting in this way with someone else, my thoughts will go even further to hope that their partners are not hurting. The other two pieces of gossip will have me wanting to contact Susan and James, I would pry further to find out if they have a support system around them. What about you? What are your intentions when you listen to gossip? Time to be honest now, we are cleaning house! You know what you should do, I really don’t need to tell you, that if your intentions are not to help the ‘victim’ of the gossip, you really shouldn’t be adding to their plight, by 1) Taking pleasure from what you have heard and 2) Doing nothing to help, even if it is in thought alone. Is it possible that the person who told you that piece of gossip, is gossiping about you too!

There should be no need to tell you that, your ears are apart of you, being apart of you means, being apart of your Soul. It cannot make your Soul happy to watch you digest other Souls’ plight or wrong doing? Take care to listen to things that please you and encourage you. In doing so you will have a happier countenance.

I have spoken about what your ears encounter, the control you have on what you choose to listen to and what you should be listening to in order to bring some comfort to your Soul and indubitably to you. But what about what you can do for others? Remember that helping others has the potential to make you and your Soul feel better, as well as the receiver of your kindness. When was the last time, you really listened to a friend? Some of the time we hear what is said, but have not really listened! Spend some time really listening to the person who has sought you out in-order to share something about themselves with you. By doing something as simple as listening can bring comfort to another…I believe that most human beings, at a very basic level just want to be acknowledged, whether it for what we have done, or what we are trying to do, being acknowledged brings with it a sense of worthiness, how lovely to be able to give that to another Soul.

Tongue- In my Blog: Tongue - What damage have you caused? I talk about what we say, not say and the damage it can cause.

Our goal should be to create happiness to the listener. Are you aware of what you say, after you have said it?....Or are you mindful of what you are about to say? Do you listen to yourself? We know that what we say can be used to be kind and not to be cruel, ensure that you choose to only speak kindness and to create happiness and or wisdom to the listener See Ephesians 4:29

There are many verses in the bible that warns against the use of the tongue. Hebrews 4:12 (KJV) states, that the tongue can be powerful, and sharper than any two edged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart. Proverbs 15:4 also shows how the tongue could crush the spirit (Soul)

Promises are made in 1 Peter 3:10 (KJV) For he that will love life, and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips that they speak no guile.

Proverbs 26:17-28 warns of deceitful lips and Colossians 4:6 states that we should beware of what we say.

I believe what we say, originates in our stomach, (deep down inside you) Hebrews 4:12 (KJV) [The tongue] is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart. As I said in my blog (Work place bullying) Some jokes are real thoughts or beliefs on the subject being discussed.

The tongue, like most body parts is controlled by you…No body makes you say a thing…you can and should decide what comes out of your mouth. I grew up with the saying….’I will wash your mouth out with soap’, as well as being physical abuse, it was said as a threat to ensure I did not continue swearing. How can you begin to care for your Soul when you utter dirty or unkind words to another Soul?

It causes your Soul stress when you sprout angry words to another. It would also show that you are unhappy which in-turn makes your Soul unhappy……Consider why you had gotten to that stage? Did you not hear your Soul tell you to, leave that person alone…..You would have saved yourself countless hours of upset if you had listened.

What you do not say is just as important as what you do say. Remaining silent when you should have spoken up, could cause just as much damage as committing the transgression yourself. See Tongue - What damage have you caused

Think before you speak, there is a time to speak and a time to be silent, remember the saying, ‘if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything’.

In Buddhism One of the eight divisions of the path to achieve spiritual enlightenment and cease suffering is Right Speech in which you are to avoid slander, gossip, lying, and all forms of untrue and abusive speech. (The Heart of Buddha's Teaching Ch 12 Right Speech Thich Nhat Hanh 1998) Be nice, only speak after you have thought about what you are about to say.

As in ‘Ear’ above, start listening to yourself? What do you hear when you speak? if what comes out your mouth is pleasing to your ear and to your Soul, then I have nothing more to say, my work here is done…If on the other hand, you, as do I, have a few things to work on, then start to think before you speak.

As mentioned above I feel good, and have a sense of pride when I think of my children and grandson. It would follow that when speaking about them brings me the same joy. This joy is also felt by the Soul…Speak only words that bring you happiness. This happiness or sense of pride can also be felt when you have to reprimand someone, or in a heated discussion. As you speak your mind, you remember that what should be coming out your mouth is, compassion, kindness and love.

Dr. Caroline Leaf who is a cognitive neuroscientist with a PhD in Communication Pathology and specializing in metacognitive and cognitive neuropsychology, sums up how to ensure your Soul continually feels happy in her book ‘The Perfect You’. Dr Leaf states that we are wired for love, and at our roots there are, among others, healthy faith, healthy love, healthy words, healthy actions, healthy thoughts (A lot like Buddhism’s eightfold path wheel). Love, as the trunk that connects the branches, which Dr Leaf calls, the fruits of the spirit (Soul). They are Joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, self control and gentleness. According to Dr Leaf, these are the feelings we experience when operating in the ‘Perfect You Zone’. She goes on to say that we are designed for good thinking and good feeling, but when we move out of that way of thinking and feeling we step into a ‘discomfort zone’ which she states is a gift from God, who gives us a lot of physical experiences to help us stay in the ‘Perfect You Zone’, this gift is our intuition or as Leaf puts it, warning signs which are communicated through our body by way of a pounding heart, or sweating palms, getting hot under the collar, a feeling that something isn’t right or a knowing that something is wrong. Staying in the Perfect You Zone is Soul Care.

Soul Care is not about living a life in which you float on air, not experiencing fear, apprehension and worry, it is about living your now life, a different way. Soul Care is about being in tune with yourself, acknowledging that feeling uneasy means something. Our natural habitat, Dr Leaf states, is in the Prefect You Zone. Getting an uneasy feeling, feeling that something is ‘off’ or just ‘knowing’ something is not right means you have stepped into the discomfort Zone, a place where you will continually get physical cues from your intuition that something is about to threaten your happiness. To care for your Soul you need to pick up cues the body sends out and act on them.

Soul care is a continual process to keep our ‘house’ clean. Dust, dirt, and grime accumulate when we don’t keep an eye, ear, tongue etc in check. Blockages under the sink will have you calling a technician to clear it up. In the form of professional help. Learn to be mindful of every interaction. In our quest to stay happy, Buddhist believe we should consider having right intention, right speech, right action, right effort, right concentration, right livelihood and right mindfulness by following the Eightfold path.

We all want and believe it or not, thrive to live a harmonious happy life by digesting the fruits of the spirit. Our aim should be, to remember that we all have the seeds of those fruits already inside us.