21st April 2019
The last blog concerned itself with the neck and chest. It considered sticking your neck out, shining too brightly which could cause another discomfort, to actually hurting someone, then forgiving. In this blog, we will continue to look at the Upper Torso where we will view some of the things we digest and drop in on Lena, to find out what she turned her back on and shouldered. In my book 'The Exhorted Soul', (The Exhorted Soul (2018) Angela Scott, The Exhorted Soul, Amazon, chapter 12,Soul Care) We looked at the Buddhist Eightfold Path one of which alerts us to Right Mindfulness, it states that one should be mindful of every interaction, which includes your interaction with food, reminding us to be mindful of what we eat. Do you consider what you put in your body as nourishment? Do you consider where the foods you consume comes from? Or do you let your local supermarket do the thinking for you? We are to pay some attention to where our foods come from, consider what it has taken to get that plate of food to our table. I will not turn this blog into a 'don't eat this, or don't eat that' type of speech,or begin to preach about those who do not have enough to eat.
But I will stress that in everything that we put into our body has a bearing on another part of our body. We are aware that if we do not eat a balanced diet we may become over or underweight according to the Body Mass Index (BMI). Does it concern you that you are over or under weight? Drscott@loveliveholistically.com
Are you using food for something other than what it is intended for? mmmmmm is it a crutch, is it a punishment, is it withheld! Can you afford what you need or what you want, when you fancy it? What is your relationship with food? Stop for one minute and consider how you view food. I am privileged enough to eat when I am hungry, buy what I fancy when I want it. I also have the ability to eat meat when I want to and 'go' vegetarian if I feel like it. I am lactose intolerant so shouldn't have dairy in my diet. I enjoy cooking at Christmas and have stopped mourning that I am not getting enough help in the kitchen. (Its just not worth it) My homes have always had a large dinning table in them where breakfast, lunch and at 5.30 pm dinner was served.
I was brought up with matching crockery and knew what knife, fork and spoon to use and when. I have tried to instil this in my children, some do not know the difference between a coffee and tea cup! others do not know what a side plate is for! This is a brief look at how food is viewed and served in my house. Have you considered how food is viewed in your house, or is it taken for granted?
Having a mindful respect for food will have you eating the right foods and taking food for nourishment and making it pleasant time of day.
Do you realise that it is not only food that we consume? We are constantly taking in the environment we enter. Take walking into a sacred place, we tend to 'feel' a calm, we feel that this is a safe place, we digest the environment. Imagine being in an environment that is not so pleasant, ones body would begin to react to the environment it is in....The body may begin to sweat, the heart may begin to race, hormones may begin to deploy and go to work, in-order to aid the body to fight or run away. Do you check the environment you expose your body to? And does it matter? I have discussed the effect different environments on the body in my book The Exhorted Soul (The Exhorted Soul, (2018) Angela Scott, The Exhorted Soul, Amazon, Negative/Positive chapter 7, ) Whilst trying to care for yourself, you will consider ever aspect of you, hostile environments cause stress on the body and puts the internal parts of your body under duress. Just because you are 'use' to a hostile environment does not mean you become immune to it. We see that Lenas hostile working environment became the norm after a few weeks, we also saw how Lena dealt with her 'normal' working day and the after effects. I have known people who are quite happy to have neighbours they claim they 'hate'. I can not imagine living next to someone I disliked so intensely. I think I would at least come to an agreement to disagree without any hostility. I can not imagine, trying to avoid my neighbours' gaze, or not being able to, at least smile as we see each other. We have spoken about hostile work environments in What Do You Do For A Living’ (2016) Angela Scott, What do you do for a living, Amazon Work Place Bullying, Chapter 10) Also see (Spot and Stop the Resident Bully (2017) Angela Scott, Spot and Stop the Resident Bully, Amazon) which gives an in- site into what to do, if you find yourself in such situations. Do you consider the amount of hostile environments you digest everyday? Think about it this week and make provisions to change it. You may be aware that even standing with others who are talking about a subject you are adverse to, is classed as a hostile environment to your body, as your body will react, be aware of all the environments you enter. We know that digesting anything that is 'not good' for us will cause ill-effect, be mindful that includes the environment we find ourselves in.
Back Looking back- How often do you find yourself looking back?, why do you look back?What are you looking for, back there? In my book 'SELF=YOU' (SELF=YOU (2017) Angela Scott, SELF=YOU, Amazon,What are you holding on to, that you should have let go of years ago? chapter 2,) We looked at hoarding clothes on the pretence of ' When I loose weight I'll wear that' I proposed that it is the memory that you are holding on to, not the suit you was wearing when you got your dream job. No one still has that brown outfit they were wearing when they had that almighty augment with their partner, friend or family member.....You won't find that item hoarded away under the ruse of 'I'm gonna wear that when I loose weight'
How often do you catch yourself looking back? There are certain incidents in my life that I wish were further in the past than they are. I find myself wishing I could 'hurry up' and look back retrospectively, as some issues, incidents and situations are still too recent and raw. There is nothing wrong with looking back, it's good to reminisce, some of my cheeriest conversations are the ones in which my children speak of the antics they got up to as children...Some of which I had been oblivious to, until the 'confession'. Looking back at fond memories, can give you a sense of gratitude. Other memories good or bad can leave you feeling grateful that you got through that! Some can leave you feeling determined never to get into that situation again. But there are some memories that can be cause for concern. Now there is nothing wrong with the action of looking back, its the wishing, regretting and guilt that causes the problems. Lena is filled with regret, pain, remorse and embarrassment on a certain day of a certain month, and felt that way for nearly seven years. Does this serve Lena any good? She may feel that she has to drink herself silly in-order to pay homage to the event that took place seven years ago. She may be trying to blot it out! If that was the case, would Lena be preforming her annual ritual of drink and blackout? Lena may not feel that she can deal with the abortion any other way, but we know that self medicating in this way is never a good idea. Are there incidents in your life that has you reaching for something other than a shoulder? DrScott@loveliveholistically.com Is it time you dealt with that issue in a different way? As clearly, the way you have been dealing with it has not served you. It is very easy to turn to tried and trusted ways when dealing with our own issues, this is where habits become the norm, even if they are not good ones. Lena uses two, the walk to work, in-order to give her the adrenal to deal with her boss and alcohol to deal with her past. How are you really dealing with things? DrScott@loveliveholistically.com We could go on to talk about 'living' (looking/wanting to be back there) in the past, but you realise that the same advice would be given. Memories are good when they do not impede or encroach on the here and now. This leads perfectly into my other sub title: Turning your back on a certain parts of your life.
As mentioned earlier, Lena use to party hard, she 'sobered up' in her third year of her university studies....In fact getting pregnant had a lot to do with her decision to 'get clean'. After her usual four day 'bender' Lena had woken up feeling sicker than usual and found that she had a need to vomit, not something she would normally do. It was Monday morning and a definite sick day off. Lena gathered her clothes off the floor, stepped over the bodies strewn along the landing, found a bathroom, got dressed and left the flat where she had undoubtingly spent the night. As Lena walked along the unfamiliar road wondering how she had ended up at the address she had just left, and who lived there. Lena checked her bag hoping her credit card was intact, whilst vowing that that would be the last time she would ever find herself in that position. Rooting in her purse, she finds her card, and can see a taxi rank just ahead of her. Lena sighs, gets in a taxi and back to her university dorm. Its 06.45, Lena showers and after vomiting twice, begins to feel guilty and embarrassed. Lena makes a hot drink and sits down to try and recall her weekend, its all a blur. She then decides to check her diary in-order to see if she had jotted down anything regarding that weekend. Whilst flicking though her diary Lena notices that her period is three weeks late, she was never late. 'OMG' Lena exclaimed. The following week had Lena looking back at her life, the classes she missed, the days that she could not recall, the money she had spent on friends, drinks, and clothes. Lena felt overwhelmed as she began to think of what her parents would say to her, if she left her studies to have a baby. Lena felt utterly alone as she surveyed her 20 year old life. 'i'm a drunk, i'm a loser, i'm pregnant'. Then it dawned on Lena that she alone had to carry this burden, as her 'friends' where really just 'drinking buddies' and wouldn't be interested in knowing that she had gotten herself 'duffed up'. She wondered if she could buy and take the 'Night after pill' and be done with this 'problem'. After taking a pregnancy test which came back positive, she gathering enough courage to call student services, where Lena is advised to attend the drop in centre. There she is told that she has to see a counsellor before she would be scheduled for a 'termination' as the 'Night After Pill' would not be appropriate at this stage in her pregnancy. The whole ordeal is something Lena will never forget and one which made her feel worthless. She had no friend, family member or baby father with her on the morning of the abortion. Leaving the clinic she felt sick to her stomach and called her mother saying that she had had a bout of food poisoning and needed to come home until she felt better. At home Lena was waited on, cared for and loved, just what you need after a life changing event. Lena spent two weeks at home and went back to university with a new zeal for life and her studies, she called home more often, attended every class and even managed to set up an internship at an accountancy firm a few minutes away from her parents' home, with the promise of a full-time job, once she completed her degree. Happy days! Lena worked hard and as we are aware, left university and walked straight into a great job. Lena had turned her back on the wild nights out, she turned her back on her drinking buddies, who missed the free drinks they would get when 'Lena goes out drinking', she turned her back on the life she use to live, never to return to it. Lena turned her drinking around, instead of drinking in the open, where all could see and maybe be a part of, Lena began to drink in solitude, her drinking became more of a dulling medicine to be taken when 'low'. It became Lena's go to place when she had had a bad day at work and of course that special day of the year when she insisted on drinking the pain away on its anniversary.
As adults we may have found that we turned our backs on certain aspects of our younger lives. On looking back on your life, what should you have left behind, turned your back on? Having problems turning away? DrScott@loveliveholistically.com. In my book SELF=YOU (SELF=YOU (2017) Angela Scott, SELF=YOU,Amazon, chapter 8 'Knowing when to walk away') I remind you that 'anything that causes you dis-ease, dis- harmony to dis-trust or shows you dis-respect should be cause for concern'. Who is dis'ing you? Is it time to walk away or turn your back on certain parts of your life?
Shoulder Lena shouldered the pain of having a 'termination' all alone. She shouldered her 'come back' all alone, well with a little help from the love, care and home cooked food her parents provided. What are you shouldering that could be delegated or taken off your shoulders? This blog will not turn into a wow me episode, mentioning what 'I did on my own' or how I managed on my own. We all have had to get on with life and shoulder the brunt of the 'work' at some time throughout our lives. I am here to ask you 'what are you shouldering that you should delegate or put down?' Lets start at home....As mentioned above, are you delegating the house work? Family pressures, is there another family member who could help? What about at work? What do you shoulder there? Is it time to speak up? We do, what we need to do, to get by, to get on, to keep the wheel of what we call our life turning. But I propose that we take a step back and consider whether our burdens could be shouldered or shared with others. Life shouldn't be a constant slog, there should be moments of serenity, peace and relaxation and this should not be delegated to 'holiday time' only.
I often found myself shouldering situations alone. Reasons: 1) - I feel I can do it on my own 2) - I feel I have no one else to turn to 3) - I am told that I proud (true) I will not ask for help and 4) I refuse the help that is offered, because I feel I can do it on my own! vicious circle. Why do you find yourself shouldering situations alone? If like me, you think you are superwoman, think again. I am here to remind you again that we are not meant to live a life of struggle, we are to lose the pride and ask for help. I remember having a conversation with my son after I had lost yet another home due to non payment of the mortgage. (See What Do You Do For A Living’ (2016) Angela Scott, What do you do for a living, Amazon ) He said 'Mum, I could have helped, I have been travelling around the world, I didn't have to travel as much as I did. I could have given you some money' Maybe I felt I could do it on my own (clearly not...I was evicted) I felt that there was no one I could turn to. At the time I actually had a husband....who I later learnt, had better things to do with his money, other than bring it home! Why did I not ask for help? Maybe I felt that I should have been able to handle this situation on my own, perhaps I felt too embarrassed to ask my son for money, for two reasons 1) I had a husband who should have been there to help and 2) I should be giving my son money for a mortgage, it shouldn't be the other way around. In that situation I had done everything that I could, to save my home. I had tried to get a loan (more debt) I was summonsed to court. I attended, and pleaded my case, promising all sorts of stuff (to no avail, I still got evicted) I worked more hours, often 18 hours a day (not enough, clearly). When all is said and done, I could have asked my son or any of the other people I knew for help (perhaps). Even while I write this, I still can't see myself asking my son for the help I needed at the time. I would have no way of knowing how much my son could afford to lend or give me. Well I would have known if I had asked! Is that my vicious circle again? This is how we, sometimes talk ourselves out of getting the help we need. We assume the other person would be offended or embarrassed if they can not help. Perhaps we feel that they will view us differently, that our relationship would change, if we ask for help. Help is just that, HELP, its not doing the task for you it's helping! Find ways this week to ask for help, this can be in your home or at work, and consider why you have not requested help in the past. Is it pride, like me? Get someone to help you shoulder the work, the activity, the care, the issue or situation. Shoulders should be pinned back, which allows the neck to elongate, enabling you to 'walk tall'. Are your shoulders pinned back, do you walk tall through your life, or are you hunched over, trying to get through each day because you didn't ask? DrScott@loveliveholistically.com
This Blog has looked at what you digest reminding you to be mindful that it is not only food that is digested but the environment too. Throughout our life, will learn that looking back or remembering aids our growth. From the time we realise that crying gets us what we want or need, to throwing tantrums and finding out that it works or does not! We are all aware of the benefits of looking back, one of which should be to learn from our past. Issues arise when we try to re-live the past in the guise of 'I'll keep that until I lose weight'. I suggested that it is the memory of wearing the outfit that one should hold on to, not the actual item. To go back there will not serve any purpose. There will always be certain aspects of our lives that we leave behind, again, it is a way of moving forward and growing. We stopped in on Lena and found that she had a very poignant tale to tell about her past, showing us just how she shouldered that part of her life. Lena has not, however dealt with that part of her life, as she reminisce every year with a drunken ritual. Lena would be advised to ask for help in finding a more conductive way of dealing with her past. We are all guilty of not asking or accepting the help we need. I mention my own struggle with this issue, and can confirm that I am still learning to ask for help when in need. I am mindful of my intake which includes my environment, ensuring that when I look back, its to help my growth and realise that others are often willing to help.
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